Big confession here: I’ve been (a HUGE) part of the problem in my past relationships!
It wasn’t all his fault.
Eeeeekkkksss! Yes, it’s true.
I did stuff like (gulp)…made him return/exchange every Christmas gift he gave to me…butted in, totally unsolicited, and told him how to solve problems in his business…made all our plans and controlled the calendar…drove the car and had him ride bitch…oh I could go on and on and on and on with great embarrassment.
I was an elite master at emasculation. Whack!
Honestly I didn’t really know how to do anything else, but be a type-A, bossy, in-control chick in a relationship.
I didn’t know any better. And I really had no idea what was actually happening.
Until I met Kelli – my dear friend, therapist and relationship coach.
Kelli lovingly helped me to get my shit together. She also didn’t let me off the hook and called me out on my BS.
She taught me how to show up in a way that would attract the kind of masculine man that I wanted to be with. She taught me how to have my feelings and desires cherished. She taught me how to get what I wanted in a relationship.
I could talk with you for hours and hours about this (over a bottle of wine, of course).
Instead, Kelli and I made a quick video to share the 4 Must-Do’s to Improve Your Relationship with Your Man.
Kelli drops the bombs on a few simple things that we can do to increase the romance and love in our lives – for both single and committed girls.
Her advice has been nothing short of magical for me!
Must-Do #1: Be Happy
There’s nothing more attractive to a man than a happy woman who is genuinely and authentically happy by herself. And is not dependent upon a man for her happiness.
What happens is, he’s attracted to your LIGHT. He wants to come share it and he wants to come bask in it. It’s magnetic.
It is so important to keep your happiness tank full. It’s so important to make sure that you are doing self-care, that you are loving yourself and you are taking care of yourself.
This is true for women who are dating or in a committed relationship.
Your happiness will draw him in and make him attracted to you.
Must-Do #2: Use Your Words to Affirm, Encourage, Acknowledge, and Appreciate
The way that you speak to the man in your life, what you say to them and how you say it to them, has such profound impact on how they feel about themselves.
As a woman, we have the responsibility to make sure that we are affirming, that we are encouraging and that we are edifying, that we are acknowledging and that we are appreciating.
The nagging, the criticism and all of that must take a back seat.
Learn how to negotiate for the things that you need so you are not nagging.
Feed the positive behavior and starve the negative behavior. Sort of like training a dog! Reward the good behavior and starve the bad behavior. Men figure out pretty quickly if you are consistent.
They want to make you happy and that makes them feel like men. If they feel like everything that you say to them is a criticism, they feel like as men they are not doing a very good job.
Must-Do #3: Weekly Date Night, Weekly Socializing with Others and Quarterly Weekend Get Away
Build intimate times and put them in a calendar like everything else or you and your relationship is going to take a backseat to everything else. It is so critical that you have time for yourself and the relationship.
A weekly date night, one day a week socializing and a quarterly weekend get-away are baseline and necessary.
Must-Do #4: Stop Butting in and Trying to Solve His Problems
Stop trying to solve his problems. He’s going to think that is disrespectful. It is implying that he isn’t smart enough, capable or has ability to solve the problem for himself.
You could say instead, “Hey I sense something’s going on. Do you want to talk about it? Is there something I can do to support you?”
Or ask, “Do you want feedback or do you just want me to listen?”